This is my first attempt at writing an argument essay. If anyone could please provide me with a feedback it would be really helpful in improving my writing skills.
The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.
“Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years in Palm City, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. This difference in pest damage is best explained by the negligence of Fly-Away.”
Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.
My response:
In the memo, vice president of food distribution company concludes that the Fly-Away Pest Control Company caused a significant amount of food destruction compared to their regular pest control company. However, the argument if not substantiated is seriously flawed for the three prime reasons stated below.
Firstly, are there any other factors contributing to the destruction of food worth $20000 other than negligence of Fly-Away Pest Control Company? For instance, the food in Palm City warehouse might be rotten before coming to the warehouse. Food is notoriously known for its perishability. This is possible because of the following reasons – it wasn’t stored in the climate suitable for it to remain good, there was a batch of rotten goods which infected other perfectly fine items. Without knowing the actual cause of food damage and the factors that contributed towards it we cannot say with surety that it was Fly-Away Pest Control Company’s fault.
Secondly, the data provided by the author is only based on their personal experience and is only compared to one other good experience which leads readers to think of the validity of the claims. To provide you an example, it is entirely possible that the other warehouses in which Buzzoff Pest Control Company did the pest control had worse damage than the Palm City warehouse. But as we are not provided with all the data this information might be misleading.
Furthermore, who is to say that the distribution company making allegations and the Buzzoff Pest Control Company don’t have a common interest? For example, it is possible that the Buzzoff Pest Control Company has given a great deal to the distribution company in exchange of getting rid of their competition. Without knowing the intention, it is hard to make any judgement against Fly-Away Pest Control Company.
To conclude, the argument made by the author is not substantiated enough to believe it. If the author is able to provide valid data with the proper reasoning the argument might hold water. But as of now it is seriously flawed.