Rate my issues essay please

Note: didn’t have time to proof-read

Prompt: A nation should require all of its students to study the same national curriculum until they enter college.

Typically, students undergo a mandatory curciulum that involves basic math, science, writing and history from primary education until the end of high school. The prompt argues that such a standarized education for all children should remain in place until college. I agree that students should follow the same course requirements until college for three reasons.

First, I believe that the purpose of education prior to college is to ellucidate a child’s strenghs and passion. From there, a child can choose to specialize in a certain field of his or her choosing once entering college. Once case this was true was Thomas Houston, a notable researcher of dental caries in the mid 1900s. He has explained in his writings that learning about bacteria and their role in infection in high school biology class provided an impetus to focus on microbiology in college and eventually earn a doctorate in the same field. Had he note learned about the foundations of microbiology in high school, he likely would not been cognizant of such a field and became a eminent pioneer in the field. Additionally, many students in their beginnings stages of education, including high school (and even later) are unsure of their interests and potential future career. Having a general curculium for all children exposes them to multiple different fields and consequentially shapes their interests and future plans.

Another reason why a national curciulum should be required for all children prior to college is that a fundamental understanding of the world is vital for succesful navigation and performance of daily activity. For example, voting is a right of Americans. Such a privlege is best exercised with a basic understanding of the party system and United States government. Without the basic education provided in education prior to college, individuals may not be equipped with the awareness of certain societal issues and the framework of the country’s government. Another example is that basic math is used often daily. This may include calculating tip, managing finances, cooking and guaging the extent of different measurements, like weight. Furthermore, basic knowledge in writing and grammer is necessary in correspondance in many future careers and daily living whether it be via letters, emails or texts. Lack of understanding of writing and grammer potentiates the possibility that future colleagues may misunderstand information provided by the certain individual. A lack of a standardized education for all children prior to college curtails students’ abilities to survive effectively in society.

It’s true that some may say that certain subjects taught in education prior to college may seem superfluous. However, even such topics have been shown to further the development of critical thinking and widen intellecutal capacities. Allowing students to simply choose their own individual courses before higher learning in college could severely limit their basic understanding in diverse matters and prevent them from identifying a certain subject that they end up enjoying by learning more about it. Learning about a generalized list of topics prior to college provides direction in students’ education in college and future careers.

Having the same coursework in education prior to education at college provides students with a framework to discover and explore their passions and garner basic knowledge that is necessary for everyday life. With this fundamental education, students are equipped with the ability to narrow their strengths and interest in college as they prepare for their futures.

Solid structure and reasons! Congratulations :slight_smile:

Here are some issues, according to me:

  1. The third paragraph is a ‘concession + hammer’, but the reader isn’t expecting this since your thesis says ‘three reasons’

  2. I might be wrong, but there seem to be grammar issues.
    Examples:
    Can you ‘elucidate’ a child’s strengths?
    ‘Once case this was true’ is wrong I believe.
    ‘exposes them to multiple different fields’ - wordiness, just go with various fields?

  3. A lot of typos - curciulum, ellucidate, privlege, grammer , etc.
    Having so many typos will hurt your score, even though your writing is excellent. I guess these typos are present because you ran out of time. Better to write a short essay and keep time to proofread!

This is just what I feel :arrow_up:
Cheers and good luck!