Taking the GRE next week! Pls review this issue essay (._.)

The prompt: Colleges and universities should require their students to spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country.

I know I chose an easy prompt :stuck_out_tongue:
Please review. Thank you :slight_smile:

For the past two decades, colleges and universities around the globe have been introducing courses that include studying at an overseas institution for a part of their total duration. In order to make such student exchange programs possible, colleges and universities are enthusiastically partnering with various institutions that offer similar courses. The prompt suggests that such programs should be required to be taken up by all students. Although I mostly agree with the assertion for two reasons, I do concede that undertaking a semester in a foreign land might prove to be a challenging task for some students.

Spending a semester in a foreign university would require a student to be among people belonging to a different culture and/or religion. Since the industrial revolution and the introduction of convenient means of transportation, countries are becoming more and more globalized. Each and every major city in the world, like New York, London and Toronto, is highly cosmopolitan and welcomes people from all around the world. In such a society, peace and harmony is ensured when everyone is tolerant and secular. Studying and spending time with such people certainly makes a student more aware and accepting of people following another ideology.

When a student travels to a foreign university for studies, he interacts with a lot of new people, which enhances his social as well as communication skills. The student is forced to move out of his comfort zone, since he does not have any friends over there, unlike his home university. This direct interaction with students of another nation also provides a point of view and a second perspective on various issues and topics, and clears a lot of misconceptions and myths that young people might have in their minds about other countries. Today’s students are the leaders of tomorrow and a connect between them would be instrumental in maintaining world peace in the future.

Every country has a unique lifestyle and the citizens of different nations follow different norms and conventions. The food consumed in each part of the world, for example, varies significantly, and it might be difficult for a student to adapt to a new diet. The climatic conditions are another such example, and a student from a hot country like Australia could have a hard time adjusting to the snow in Canada. However, such experiences prepare a person to overcome the trivial obstacles in life and focus on the bigger picture. Moreover, living in a different climate and on a new diet might even lead to an increased immunity among the students.

Summarizing the reasons stated above, a student who spends at least one semester abroad would develop effective social skills and would return with an increased level of understanding of other cultures and religions. In the process, several myths about other nations are busted and a connect between the students would also lead to reduced clashes between countries in the future. Although students might face difficulties adjusting to a new diet or climate for a while, the benefits certainly outweigh the drawbacks.

First, all criticisms are subjective. So, take the suggestions with a grain of salt.

Your introduction is good. But “might prove to be a challenging task” seemed a little wordy to me. Better to write “might be a little challenging task” which is more clear, I think.

There are some structural issues with the body paragraphs, IMO. Your topic sentences, for example, are not on point. Usually a body paragraph consists of three parts: topic sentence, example, and development/explanation. Also, the essay really lacks some transitional words, for instance, to begin with, firstly, secondly, moreover, et cetera. And it is imperative that a topic sentence introduces the overall idea of the paragraph and that it supports your thesis. In the first body paragraph, as you wrote, “Spending a semester in a foreign university would require a student to be among people belonging to a different culture and/or religion,” seems to me more of a factual observation than a topic sentence for this issue essay. Plus, this sentence–such a society, peace and harmony is ensured when everyone is tolerant and secular-- seems unpersuasive or weird, at least, to me.
“Like” is an informal word in academic writing.

The topic sentence of the second body paragraph is not bad. But it would be better off, if you could start the sentence something like this: Another reason a student should spend at least one semester studying in a foreign country because*, when a student travels to a foreign university for studies, he or she interacts with a lot of new people, which enhances his or her social as well as communication skills. Also, you need a good example here, maybe a good hypothetical example. Perhaps you gave a hypothetical example but didn’t start the sentence with “for example.”

You referenced a student using “he”. A student can have the pronoun “she” too, right? So, it is better to address “ a student” as “he or she”, or just write “students”, and then refer to them as “they.”

Wordiness: provides a point of view and a second perspective on…
You could simply put, “provides him or her with a new perspective”
This direct interaction with students of another nation also provides him or her with a new perspective on various issues and topics.

In the concession paragraph, again, the topic sentence–every country has a unique lifestyle and the citizens of different nations follow different norms and conventions–is NOT on point, rather it is a fact.

Grammatical mistake: “a connect between. It should be “a connection between”

By the way, the conclusion is really good. You nailed it.

3 Likes

Thank you sooo much!
I’ll work on my topic sentences. I was confused about the pronoun I should use for a student, it just felt weird to write “he or she” and “him or her” a million times. I’ll stick with “they” and “them” :+1:

Thanks again, this helps a lot! Good luck :slight_smile: